A Letter to my Daughter

Chère Emily,

 
Today is our last day alone together.

I’m not saying we will never ever again spend the day together, but I mean it will never be like this. Your Papa, he loves you just as much as I do, and he is an amazing père. He is working his last day today, before he will begin to stay home with you. We will both be home for a couple weeks and then it will be Maman’s turn to go to work.

I am sitting here holding you while you’re sleeping, instead of laying you in your crib for a nap, because I’m savouring this moment in time. Never again will you be this little, or need your Maman this much. If I could stay home and take care of you forever I would do it! But at the same time, that wouldn’t be fair to either of us, or Papa. I have an amazing job! I take care of other mommies and babies until they are ready to go home. And Papa has a very hard job, one that takes him away from us sometimes. There might be a time when Papa leaves to go away for a LONG time, and so he will never have another chance to spend this time with you, either.

I wish you could see and appreciate the excitement in your Papa’s eyes today! He knows that after today, he can be here for you 100%. He will be able to hold you when you’re crying and bounce you to sleep. He will get to see you trying new foods and discovering new toys. He knows he won’t have to feel torn, between you and his job. Even if it’s just for a little while, it’s enough for your Papa.

We want you to know that we don’t go to work because we want to leave you. We go to work to provide you with everything you need to be healthy, happy, and grow up big and strong! We go to work to teach you to have dreams and goals and to chase them. Your parents have jobs and they are lucky to even have time home with you! Some people don’t even get to stay home with their babies at all..

Really, Emily, I just want to tell you that  today is a milestone for me that I’ve been dreading and I hoped that this letter would explain why. It’s not because I’ll be leaving you with Papa because that is honestly the only way I could leave you right now, at all. It’s because I just don’t know how I’m going to drive away from this house and go back to work when the day comes, and now that your Papa will be home, that day feels so much closer.

Your parents love you so much! We argue over who gets to snuggle you next or push your stroller, and we are in awe of you every day. Whether it’s Papa working, me, or eventually both of us – just always know that you are so loved.

Snuggle in close today, Emmy, it will never be the same after today.

Maman

May I Just Say..

I am beyond lucky. Five years ago today I finished clinical and started summer vacation! Four years ago today I was watching my other ‘mom’ on Wipeout Canada! Three years ago today I had a ‘Skype date’ with Kev knowing he’d be home in two days from Afghanistan for his HLTA! Two years ago today I graduated from UNB and then one year ago I celebrating having the first year of my career under my [ever expanding!] belt! This year I sit and hold my baby, thinking about her baptism this weekend and trying to soak it all in and be thankful. Life isn’t perfect and it’s full of challenges but right now my husband isn’t deployed, we have an adorable baby girl and we have our family! And that’s perfect.