I refuse to be the person who isn’t thankful to be pregnant. The bigger my belly gets, the more I’m reminded that I am a walking neon sign to women who are unable to become pregnant. I used to be the person at the mall glaring at the happy pregnant women. Or hearing a mom-to-be complain about her sore back and wanting to scream. It’s funny how quickly the joy of being pregnant outweighs the sadness of not being pregnant. The feelings are just there under the surface but you can’t truly access them anymore through the layers of joy, worry, and wonder.
With each little kick, punch, and wiggle I’m reminded just how lucky I am to be carrying this baby. My days that were once spent daydreaming about seeing two lines on the test, and wondering when I would feel something – anything, are now spent laughing and crying with my hands on my belly. So much in awe of how strong this little baby is becoming. So much wonder about the future and so happy and excited to be carrying such a special miracle.
With each little kick, punch, and wiggle I find myself relaxing into this pregnancy. The memories of trying to get pregnant and the fear of all the ‘what ifs’ are slowly fading – still present, but in a muted colour. Every night I spent with tears in my eyes wondering ‘when is my turn?’ are being replaced by nights of laughter and song, story books and sleeplessness – laying in bed with a silly grin on my face. Watching my husband share in it all.
With each little kick, punch, and wiggle I find myself thinking that I would have waited an eternity for this baby. That any amount of time was and would be worth it. That if I could say just one thing to you, the one who might be reading this who is trying to have a baby, it would be that I’m sorry. And that it will be worth it, when it finally happens. That won’t help you now, I know, but it’s true.
And then your worries about getting pregnant will be replaced with worries about getting your baby here safely. You’ll wonder about every little ache, pain, and symptom. You’ll worry about bloodwork and test results and ultrasounds.
But with each little kick, punch, and wiggle…well, you’ll just fall more and more in love.