Weakness

*Spits on the ground*

“You feel strong?”

“Yeah”

“Pick that up”

“Uh…”

____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____

For years, my Dad would trick me into thinking I was strong, only to realize there was no way I could do it. Now don’t worry, I don’t take that too literally – it was just a joke – but sometimes you have to wonder what the point of being strong is. For other people’s benefit, so they don’t have to see you cry, or pick you up when you fall apart? Recently, Kevin went to work and had what they like to call his “hero shot” taken. Basically a picture of him on a stool in front of a portrait background and a flag. It is the picture you see when a soldier gets a medal/award, or dies. Normally I would think, you know what? it’s just a picture.. but after watching him back up his MOBs all weekend it was kind of the last straw.

Kevin found me bawling in our room.

Now, you might think that’s a little stupid, even I felt a little stupid to be honest. Then, in the midst of my tears I said to Kevin, “I have to be a wimp now so I can be strong when you’re gone, ok?”. And it’s true – I know that when he’s gone I’ll have those tough nights or hard days or whatever, but for the most part I’ll go to school and work, hang out with friends, keep doing everything I’d normally do. I am going to be a wimp now, so I can be strong later.

In other words, Dad, I can’t pick that up yet, but you just wait! I’ll find a way. ;)

____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____

This is me wearing my half of our set of dogtags that Kevin and I ordered. The set is called "Half my heart is deployed". Kevin keeps his with him too.

2 thoughts on “Weakness

  1. Somehow we find a way to do it. You can be a “wimp now and later even, if you need to Barb. Just remember you are surrounded by love and thats a wonderful support system to start with. Take care Doll!! XO

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